HO-HO-HO! OR HO-HO-HUM?
Tis the season! For most of us, December is our biggest holiday season of the year. This means many things: parties, family gatherings, preparations, food, cooking, prayer, gratitude, presents, spending, over spending, and yes…stress. Many of us look forward to the holidays with a caveat: if only it wasn’t so stressful! The cause of stress during the holidays can come from any of the afore-mentioned things or any other myriad of other things. It doesn’t matter-it just seems to come and it comes in a really big way!
So how can we mitigate the stress of the holiday season so that we can better enjoy the magic of it all?
Have you ever gone for a massage and right before it starts you find yourself bracing? The masseuse immediately ushering the words: “Just relax. Take a deep breath and just try to let it all go.” If only! It is human nature to brace, tighten, restrict, stiffen, when we don’t know what to expect. It is also possible to have the same reaction when we DO know what to expect but we fear it anyway! The interesting thing about this response or reaction is that it doesn’t serve us well! All that happens is that we get more tight, more stressed and can’t seem to let go at all. The holidays seem to bring this feeling on more than any other time of the year too! But why?
I would argue that the reason the holidays are the most stressful is because of these two principle driving reasons:
Our expectations are too high
Our tolerance for others is too low
During the holidays, people want things to feel different; be different, seem different because there’s this notion that different means special and special is necessary because without special it’s just like any other day. The problem is that we put so much stock into creating this specialness that we stress ourselves out! Over the holidays we also look for perfection! The perfect gift, the perfect dress to wear; the perfect meal to prepare; the perfect day to enjoy. It’s all too much! The fact is: most of us just don’t do well with this high level of expectations! If somehow we were able to lower our expectations so that we could just enjoy ourselves-imagine how that might look? How that might change the way we feel. How that might help offset a little of the stress.
Which leads me to my next thing: our tolerance of others is too low! We all have family members, friends, people in our lives that for better or worse are still in our lives! We know we are going to see them. We know they are going to say something off-color, hurtful, or rude. We are bracing for it right? Can you feel your neck stiffening even as you read this now and think about them? We have been anticipating them and their antics for weeks and now it’s about to happen. Imagine if we could go into that dinner feeling differently; feeling almost as if we had protective armor on. Anything that person says or does cannot and will not effect us. We are impervious to anything they do! Imagine that? What would the conversation FEEL like if you felt so protected? I would argue that you would relax! Maybe even laugh a little. You would certainly brace less because, heck, you don’t have to worry about anything they say or do effecting you one way or another! It’s like a super power that only you know you have!
We all deserve to enjoy the true pleasures that the holidays offer: connectedness, love, kindness, generosity, goodness. If we can focus on those things we will undoubtedly recognize that things don’t need to be perfect to have all that. And if we focus on that we can disregard the stupidity or selfishness or inconsiderate behaviors of some because that really isn’t our problem. It’s theirs! It is! Compassion, understanding and love will fill you up so much more than all the other stuff anyway. Go ahead-try it! What do you have to lose! So don’t brace; lower your expectations, and increase your personal tolerance. If you can move the needle just a tiny little bit on any of those things, it’s going to be a very merry holiday indeed!