Mastering the art of calm
Do you often feel like you go through the motions of your day without checking in on how you are feeling or what you need? Are you feeling the stress of everyday life, but just don’t know what to do to calm your body and your mind? Do you feel like you are scrambling to find the time to do any form of self-care?
We often feel strapped, at capacity and barely making it through the day. We push and push and push all day long to the point of collapse into our beds at night. We often think that we don’t have time in our already crazy, stressed out lives to give ourselves self-care. But you do have time - there are ways and methods to calm your central nervous systems down that do not cost you more time, energy, or capacity. It can be as simple as taking a look at some things that you are already doing and experimenting with doing them differently in ways that will promote more calm.
The purpose of our nervous system is to transmit signals between the brain and the rest of the body, including internal organs. The nervous system's activity controls the ability to move, breathe, see, think, and more. A part of the nervous system, called the autonomic nervous system, controls a lot of the body processes we don’t think about, like breathing, sweating or shivering. There are two parts to the autonomic nervous system: the sympathetic nervous system, which controls how you respond in an emergency (it makes your heart beat faster and causes you to release adrenaline), and the parasympathetic nervous system, which prepares the body for rest. They work together to manage how the body responds to our changing environment and needs. Anxiety and chronic stress can strain the sympathetic nervous system, throwing the whole nervous system out of whack, resulting in physical and emotional illness.
So what can you do to avoid a nervous system breakdown? Not so different from building a workout plan - just as you would lay out a protocol or put a system in place if you were trying to get fit, you need to lay out a process or plan to calm your body and your mind when you are experiencing stress.
In order to regulate your nervous system, you need to make some changes in your behavior and/or your environment. Different things work for different people and what you try may not work at first - figuring out what formula works can take some time and effort. Just like muscle is built with consistent work over time, nervous system regulation takes consistent practice the same way. Similarly, you don’t get fit and stay fit by doing exercises once. It is important to show up for that work as a lifestyle and there are many different ways to do this.
Think of a bucket as the nervous system’s capacity - stress adds weight to the bucket. Certain tools can poke holes in the bucket - when you notice the load is getting heavy you can use these to release some of the stress from your body. Learning about these tools and implementing these coping skills when you are calm is so vital to stress management as a whole.
What are some impactful ways to poke holes in that stress bucket? You don’t need to do more, just something different. Pick just one, maybe two that you might want to make a habit out of:
Choose a consistent bedtime - This significantly improves your quantity and quality of sleep and sleep is the number one quality of life measure that correlates with improved or diminished mental health. Try to set a consistent bedtime and wake time and look at what practices will make that possible.
Morning sunlight - Getting outside first thing in the morning, not through a window, for 5 to 15 minutes and getting that natural sunlight in your eyes is a gamechanger for wellbeing. This helps to set your circadian clock which helps with sleep quality. Research shows that sun exposure first thing in the morning can decrease stress, can decrease your cortisol release, and many other benefits. The way that I build this in is with something that I am already doing - drink your cup of tea on your front step instead of sitting at the table scrolling on the phone. Is there something that you are already doing in the first hour you are awake that you can do outside? And if you can find moments of time during the day to get outside, like on your lunch break or doing work in a sunroom, that will be an added bonus!
Trade Instagram scrolling on the toilet or at a red light for taking a deep breath. If you do nothing else, try this one. Life is already on pause in the bathroom and at a traffic light. Can you use this as a cue to check in with yourself? And take a deep breath.
Anytime during the day that you feel yourself getting stressed, mental or physical, like clenching your jaw or biting your nails, shake it out - physically get up and move your body! This can release the stress energy. And adding in some everyday movement will help to keep that stress buildup in check.
If you have trouble falling asleep at night, put your legs up the wall for 5-10 minutes. This activates your relaxation response because the blood from your legs flows towards your heart, slows your heart rate and automatically notifies your nervous system that it is time to relax and chill and will help you get a more restful night's sleep.
Spend 30 seconds gargling after you brush your teeth or in the shower. This activates your vagus nerve, and when your vagus nerve is activated, it also flips that relaxation response switch in your nervous system.
Turn your shower on to cold for the last 30 seconds (up to three minutes) at the end of your shower - This might be the one that you will do the least, but this cold exposure on a consistent basis can activate the vagus nerve and have major physiological and physical benefits.
Throughout the day, eat less processed foods and more gut-friendly foods. Improving your gut health can also contribute to nervous system regulation.
Which of these can you commit to? None of them will take too much time - it just may require doing things a little differently. It is critical to manage stress by periodically checking in with yourself and consistently having a conversation with your nervous system. There is nothing overly prescriptive here - just tiny practices that when done consistently will build up overtime and will help regulate your nervous system. Just one thing at a time that will poke a hole in your stress bucket and build your capacity to handle what you are going through. One practice at a time.
